Disability and Jam Making

My real estate gal, who sold us the house we are in, is an absolute hero. She got the sale despite multiple bids, by telling the seller our history. We are first time home owners, and we’ve both been homeless as kids. That we’ve fought our entire lives, and now that we can buy a house, we didn’t have enough to win a bid war of any kind.

The owner was older, and he chose our bid because he wanted to give us a chance, and even left us a lawn mower, and extra light bulbs, and fridge filters. The guy was a saint.

She still comes and checks in on us from time to time, and last weekend she brought me some rhubarb. My rhubarb plants are tiny, and won’t be ready for harvest for a year or more and she’s a gardener too, and had enough to spare. I was very touched by her gifts.

My plan was not to do more jam canning until this coming Friday, but with the lovely gift, I felt I should probably do it Sunday anyways. So I went to bed Saturday night fully intending on getting to the store in the morning.

Unfortunately for me, my body was not cooperative. Standing all day and jam canning on Friday, after a full work week was already as much as I could do. I woke up Sunday, and that was it. I was done. I was already sore upon waking. I would have liked to be able to just go go go, but I have a disability and sometimes I just can’t.

Then, I remember I could process the rhubarb by freezing it, and could do the jam this weekend. That gave me days to rest up in preparation for this.

I cleaned, and cut up all the rhubarb. I peeled the bigger stalks, but left the smaller ones whole. I laid them out on cookie sheets and froze them in batches.

I then packed them into freezer ziplock. I packed two jam bags with the exact amount I need for the jam I am making, and I still have pounds of it leftover. My wife is thinking of making a pie out of some of it. This is honestly garden gold right here.

Sometimes you can only do what you can do. I do have a physical disability, but it would be the same if my disability wasn’t physical in nature. Sometimes you just have to slow down. I have to remind myself that it’s okay to slow down.

I am trying to give myself the grace I would give someone else. If someone came to me and said I can’t do this today. I am already sore, and it might push me into a painful situation where I will go to work the next day and struggle? I’d totally give them the out.

But I think it’s harder to give ourselves that same grace. It’s easy to tell ourselves we can power through, that everyone else is fine, why not us? It think that is a hidden struggle with disability, especially if you have an invisible one.

When I first started having problems with my joints, I did that all the time. It ended up with me in pain, flat on my back. Now, if I slow down, and just do what I can? It just works out better.

I am still going to get that rhubarb jam made, but it will be on my timeline, when I am able. That’s okay.